A Secured Life

A secured life is being lived slowly.

Life can be boring at times. When what we do become routinary, we tend to find other things to make us busy and more excited. There’s nothing wrong in pursuing learning. But sometimes, in chasing learning we sacrifice the life already ready to ripe. We become insecure of the good harvests we see around us.

When I was in high school, I loved dreaming about documenting other people’s lives. In college, I took journalism to pursue my dream. But before graduation, I decided to work in the humanitarian world. I wanted to give back. I always find it interesting to know and learn from others – mostly from the most ordinary people in the world. I dreamed of becoming a UN Volunteer and go to the scarcest place we could think of. An adventure for me.

However, everything changed when I was in my second job. God still brought me to my first love; the purpose I see myself fulfilling at present. He wanted me to again pursue journalism by giving this verse from Romans 11:29: “for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.” I realized a secured life is ready for change.

I accepted God’s call. But there are times I can’t help but feel insecure. The things going around me seem to be moving very slow. Tonight God reminded me that a secured life really works that way. You’ll recognize this and as you do, you’ll understand that there are good reasons.

In a slow life, God wants you to recognize the simplest things and be humble. He wants you to see all that He carves, His patches, and His little strokes. God wants you to acknowledge Him in everything. 

Remember also that things are routinary because you have not seen the best yet. I remember the time I walked home from our office (that’s a two-hour walk!). I enjoyed the walk because I experienced the things I was not able to do while taking a ride. I did not expect there was beauty hidden on my way home.

This is what God wants to remind us about life. We seemed to be walking the same path each day and it’s tiring. But did we already experience the best out of it?

Do not be anxious! Give thanks. Commit everything to Him. Do not be moved. Understand that He’s acting. Know that God cares. Take it slow and be secured.

Questions That Don’t Matter

I got an encounter with a demon today.

I visited the nearest mall from our apartment -- wearing my newest eyeglasses, basketball shorts, slippers, and shirt -- to eat my comfort food, Lola Nena’s Bulaluhan’s malunggay noodle soup with siomai. I never thought my one-day-old eyeglasses would catch this man’s attention while we were in the line to the cashier. He asked, “Saan mo pinagawa ‘yang frame mo (Where did you get your frame)”, while pointing to my eyewear. Then I said, “Sa office ko to nakuha. May doktor po kasi kami dun (I got this from the office. We have a doctor there).” And to make the story short, I got to introduce to him Operation Blessing Philippines, Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) Asia, including my church, while I was paying my food.

To balance the conversation, I asked where he is attending church. His response surprised me. “Magugunaw kasi ang church pag pumasok ako (The church will tear down when I get in).” I assumed he was the usual person we used to minister -- pitying himself and sees forgiveness passing on to this world. So, I said with confidence and motivation, “Jesus loves you, Kuya (brother)!” He smiled and I thought he was happy for what he heard. Not until he uttered this in whisper to my ear, “Demonyo ako na nagtatago sa katawan ng tao (I am a demon hiding inside a man’s body)." It was as if the environment froze, and I did not know what to answer. I relaxed to show him I wasn’t scared. The thing I thought to let him know he cannot deceive me was to throw another question and not leave without saying anything. I asked, “Paano mo naman nasabi, Kuya (How did you say that, brother)?”

I got my order and I thought of leaving him with the hanging question; as if telling him you did not win. But he said, “Sige, sundan kita kung saan ka uupo (Okay, I’ll join you where you’ll sit).” I had no choice but to accept the challenge. Before eating and letting him reach my table, I prayed for God’s wisdom and grace. I cannot narrate far-reaching our more than an hour conversation. But let me highlight some questions he threw to me during our talk. First, “Why did God said in Genesis “let US make man”, when He was alone then. Is He really the only God?” Second, “Are you sure God is in your church?” Third, “Is Jesus really coming the second time around? Can He come again?” And last, “Why did God let Lucifer’s power remain?”

I will not tell how I responded in every question, but honestly, some I was not sure I answered correctly. I am not a theologian, yet I am also not making it an excuse to not know God more. In fact, that experience urged me study Bible deeper. Those questions don’t really matter but WILL matter.

Knowing and believing will get in the issue. That man knows God, may be more than I, but does not believe Him. The reason is, he knows God wrongly. Wrongly might be because he just wants to be different, but for sure evil is controlling him. Believing is another thing. When you believe, you will obey, and in obeying you will experience. If I am a person without a real relationship with God, I would have nodded a lot and got deceived by that man. 

The real sweet taste of a cake will never change for a man who already ate one. No matter how others will convince him that a cake is salty, he will never believe. But if he never tasted one, he might get fooled of a salty cake others will let him taste first. I pity that man he first tasted the salty cake.

That man disclosed it was his first time at that mall and just went there to eat after a business appointment nearby. He said he ‘did not think he would talk to a warrior of God in the place.’ During the last part of our conversation he said, “Akala ko made-demonyo kita (I thought I could deceive you).”

I felt joy I did not run from that demon’s challenge and God was with me in responding. Then, I realized how important it is to minister to other people. And not just introducing Jesus, but helping them have a real relationship with Him.

So blessed I have an encounter with God daily.

Part I: The Perfect Place (At Work)

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If you are searching for a perfect place, I tell you, you’ll fail. But if you are creating one, be thrilled to experience success. I could say this confidently because I consider this as the biggest learning I acquired for the past 20 months that I've been working. This learning isn't a big deal for some but for a neo-fight like me, it’s an oasis in the middle of a scorching hot desert -- the idealistic thirst you've been experiencing after graduation was alleviated by the iced water unexpectedly showered to your head.

Well this learning doesn't work just in the workplace. Eventually, I see changes in different aspects of my life when I applied this. Now, let me share them and I hope you don’t mind wandering inside my story. Dissecting how this ‘perfect place’ learning has helped me in different ways I know would benefit in appreciating God’s ways better. Before I am looking for one perfect place but now, I've created different perfect places more flawless than I imagined.

At Work

The last semester in college was both a cramming-to-pass and a job-hunting season for me. My goal then was to work here in Manila using my college diploma -- in short I aimed to be a writer, a documentarist, a researcher, or a broadcaster; anything inline with my degree. Before graduation came, I received a lot of phone calls and job interview schedules. And to cut the story short, I got my first job in less than 3 weeks after ending my college life; as a Communication Research Associate in Agora Business Intelligence in one of the most prestigious business districts in Metro Manila, THE Makati City.

Precisely how I described it was how I felt when I first grasp independence and adventure. I was more than thrilled to leave home than to hold my diploma. I assumed I found the perfect workplace. But after a month my heaven became hell. I realized (simultaneously) watching six news channels everyday, reading five newspapers in the morning, and writing less than 10 news articles before the day ends (not to mention the low compensation) would make you stop when the traffic light is red and would make you go when it’s green. Really, I experienced that kind of shattered well-being. But obviously I’m still here and to clear things out I was not in an accident.

So I just waited to get my supposed-to-be regularization and left Agora after three months. Then I entered Children’s Hour Philippines, Inc. as a Marketing Communications Associate slash Friends-Raising Associate; in short as a social worker for marginalized children. I know this is far from journalism but as I explained from my previous articles, this is where my heart is. I was also a sponsored child before and I want to give back and I really love kids.

I’m working with Children’s Hour for one year & four months now and I shall say it’s not the perfect workplace either. But here I learned to make one. Despite the difficult superior I had who disclosed during his despedida (yes, thanks God he’s not with us anymore) that he planned to not regularize me because I did not grow and not yet ready, I’m still here confident that I’m working only for God and for the children. I don’t know why he said that when my colleagues and boss said otherwise. May be if I did not learn to turn around agony, I might be in my third employer or may be fourth; continuing the unending search for perfection.

I am not saying that you take in all the trash talks in your office or tolerate your inhumane boss just to put a big amount in your accounts. If you’re not growing and everything in your job contradicts your principles, then you’ll never create a perfect place (because you need to mold a good employer first which will never happen). In my case, I first considered my passion which I will discuss on the part three and consulted God of course.

In my adjustment stage in my second job, I first acknowledged all the imperfections of my employer, my colleagues, and even the struggles I need to face everyday going to the office. And I didn't stop. I did my best to put them at my back and never in front of me and that’s how I moved forward. If I will just focus on what my superior said during his despedida, I would have treated myself as the tiniest piece in the office -- contributing less, making it hard for everyone, and is just surviving because of my colleagues’ pity.

But I humbled myself. I did not think of revenge because I know eventually that would make me loose. I taught of my purpose and what God has told me. I worked hard to let my boss see again the first thing that she saw in me when she decided to hire me. I focused on the perfect smiles I see on the children’s faces; the most soothing ‘thanks’ you’ll hear from different people; and the warmest hug you’ll feel from a cancer survivor.

May be you’ll say you’re in a different situation now. Fulfillment in an NGO world is different from the corporate. But think of what made you decide to be in that place. I hope it’s out of passion either to build establishments as an engineer, to heal patients as a doctor, or even to make everyone smile as a clown. We are all different in terms of what makes us happy. And where we found happiness there we can create perfection. 

Greatest Fear No More

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Just recently I was in a conversation with a friend that made me feel (again) my greatest fear. I started the talk with a goal to know more of this friend. Somehow I achieved my objective – learned a lot about her family, her plans, and her fears – yet the latter part of the conversation made me feel so heavy and afraid. She uttered (maybe) the most sensitive sentence for me.

“You are so idealistic”, she said.

I did not feel bad with her. She said this in a very nice way; and considering that this friend is like a sister to me, what she said was treated as a reminder. Really it is ‘not what you say but it’s how you say it.’ Instead of getting so upset with her, what she said made me ponder on my situation now. Questions like ‘Am I really idealistic?’, ‘Am I dreaming too high?’, and ‘Are all my dreams realistic and achievable?’ got into my head one by one. Eventually, it resulted to other questions…‘Will I fail at the end?’, ‘Am I on the right place now to achieve all my dreams?’, ‘Am I achieving less what are expected my age?’

But as many people say, you need to dissect an animal to know its anatomy. Just like with the situation I was in, I needed to answer the questions separately. Until I found out that all these questions have the same answer. And that I got from God when He said, ‘You are serving a mighty God’.

I know I am not the only one who experienced or is experiencing this dilemma. The greatest fear of idealism really would crush (first) your brain and finally your heart. This has a very strong power to let you feel pity, insecurity, and distrust. But then again, how can we win this battle and prove to our mountains that God is higher? On my end, I am keeping these in mind…

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First, God has a perfect plan for everyone. I don’t know about you but I am still holding on to His promises. Let us trust in a sense that we know that He has a purpose why we are in a certain situation and why we are not. It is easy to honour Him when what happens favours us. But I know it is difficult to accept why what He gives is not what we expect (rather, it is so easy to complain). When this occurs, think back and beyond.

I remember a friend whose mom is sick asking, ‘Why is this happening now?’ Then I said, ‘Think when this situation happened before’. Then she recalled her medical assistance from her previous job did not cover her immediate family members. And she said she might have found it more difficult to support her mom’s medication then. Or let’s say when her situation will just be happening in the future. May be she’ll be having other priorities (married or starting to build her business I guess).

God knows the proper timing. Remember that He is not the one putting us in a bad circumstance. Keep in mind that God is a friend who controls it for our own benefit.

Second, God is not just able; believe He’ll fulfil. Often we only believe He is mighty to make all things possible for us and suddenly we stop. Take the next step and claim that He is willing to fulfil His promises. Not risking to take the next step suggests failure. It’s not God who made you fail but your own doubts and fear.

And sometimes the steps are repetitive. You’ll realize you are just in the same path but no, you just need to discover the secret weapon in there for you to go to the next level…and reach the finish line. Like the common computer games we play, you need to first unlock the current level before you move on to the next. Stop complaining why you’re stagnant rather be more thrilled to master the level you are in.

Third and last, God gives the best. I know there are possibilities I will not attain my visions. But still, I am excited for the things God is in store for me. He is the one who gave me my visions for a purpose. It might not to achieve all these but may be to use these for me to accomplish His greater plans. I know unrealizing my visions now isn’t failing…it is learning.

In the first place, I don’t even deserve the life I have yet God gave me this wonderful gift. What less would He not give me when He has given me the biggest? 

In God...greatest fear's no more. :)