Today I decided to recall those days when you were still in Mama’s
tummy. I decided to feel again the excitement which got so intense every day
for nine months. I want to bring back those moments when I was six-years old. For
six long years I felt alone and hopeful that one day, I’ll hug a buddy. The
most exciting part then aside from your birth was the brainstorming on what
name we should give you. Well, I contributed some but I think our parents did
not like them. Yet I was so happy when Robert James came to our lives dated
March 10, 1998.
Time really went so fast and this year you will turn 16 already. I
know this will be one of your memorable years for you will enter college. I
tell you, it will really be; in a positive and negative way. Just maintain that
thrill because that will lead you to learning. Don’t hesitate to call, brother!
I’m not here to dictate you how to spend your college-life but to guide you how
to make it awesome.
You know what I want to bring back? It’s that time when I was naïve and
not thinking how I can live life and put cash in my pocket. Because it’s the
time when I was your strict teacher and we were with our door that we used as
blackboard; it’s during Christmas when we bravely created our two-membered
choral with spoons and forks as our instruments (because we did not want to
share aguinaldo with other kids); it’s
when we were rolling on each other in bed before sleeping; it’s when we were
flying kites with Papa; it’s when we quarrel who to wash the dishes; and it’s
when we play together.
J, now I want to say sorry. Sorry because I was your brother only
until Kuya was 13 and you seven. Sorry because after that, I became eager
chasing happiness, success, fame, wealth. Sorry because I felt we were so
different in many aspects when you began to search your horizon. Sorry because I
became cold and short-tempered. Sorry because Kuya did not reach out. Instead, I
played on my own.
I know my selfishness resulted to challenges you are experiencing now.
Let me be your Kuya again. I am trying to be more open to you and I hope you
will, too. Kuya is just here and let’s be the best of friends. I want to share these
things which I should have shared to you before. These are the two words I want
you to remember:
Be Yourself
You don’t have to be Kuya or anyone in this world. And you don’t have
to please anyone even Mama, Papa, your teachers, or your friends. Just live
with the heart that’s align with God and the rest will follow. I am praying
that someday you’ll completely understand what I am saying.
When I was in high school, they used to tease me gay, lame, unfashionable,
boring. But they never called me idiot or stupid because they know I was not. I
am so grateful until now that God made me realize that the coolest and bravest
men are with Him.
But I also tried to be the ‘cool’ guy this world is telling us. I
tried hard to fit in the standard of the society. There I tried my first and
last sift of smoke (I really hate that feeling), drunk until I lost conscience, and cut several classes. Now you know I tried those when all this
time you assumed I did great with my life (but please don’t tell Mama and Papa.
Hehe!). Those experiences brought me temporary happiness. After that I felt
guilty, ashamed, and hopeless.
What I want to tell you is to have the right mind-set of learning and
happiness. You will achieve this when you know who you are and live wholly as
the person you want to be. I know you don’t want to be the RJ who smokes, who
gets sober, without dreams. I know you want to achieve something big for you
and our family. Then, focus on those dreams! Be with the right people! Make the
right steps! Choose the things that offer real learning and everlasting
happiness.
I believe I will see a great man someday. And I’ll remain proud
that I am his Kuya. Robert James Pillejera Bariso knows
God; always hits the baseball for a home run; will be one of the most
successful electrical engineers or businessmen; and will be the best husband and
father.
J, you don’t need to be perfect in our eyes. You just need to be the
son of God. Accept Him and acknowledge that He wants the best for you. WE LOVE
YOU! – Kuya J
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