No Secret at All

Dreaming of having a girlfriend never came in my mind; I always envision how my family would look like. And I often have our family as my basis of a happy one (minus scarcity and other problems, of course). I always dream and aim of a perfect family but I’m mature enough to acknowledge that there will be plenty of spices that will come our way. I am so excited to have my own wife and children because my parents let me experience how happy it is. There are major and minor challenges but those never discouraged me to stay firm that I’ll marry at 27 (hopefully) and will have my 3 children (at least? Hehe) -- Mama and Papa treat problems joyfully.

In their 22 years of marriage, I only saw them fight once. That was the time I cannot sleep because I’m scared Mama would leave us. But that misunderstanding did not even last for a week. May be when you’ll ask them what’s the secret of their happy and even getting-stronger relationship, they’ll just say they don’t know or there are no secrets at all. But I think here are the reasons why after 22 years they still sleep together and these are the points I want to remember when I already have my own family.

They love God. My parents are not Christians yet but they are the firsts to teach me how to have a relationship with God. Mama taught me how to talk to God just like a friend and Papa encouraged me to trust Him. God is the center of our family. There were no challenges treated impossible because we know He is bigger than anyone or anything else.

They know each other. Before getting married, my parents were really good friends. They used to work with the same company. And I still see that friendship until now. They know how to make each other laugh, how to appease the other, or the right thing to do when you’re asking something.   

They know life. They got married when Papa’s 28 and Mama’s 26 and I assume they’ve been to a lot of things before committing to be a husband and a wife. They enjoyed every season of their lives and evident that they were ready to have children.

They know their children. What I love about my parents is their love. I can really feel it and may be that’s the reason why they have the best children. Hehe! They let us experience happiness and that is what we give back to them. They have a real relationship with us and they know us so well.

Mama, Papa, God did not let us choose our parents but I am so thankful that you are my mother and father. We might be in testing time right now pero gusto kong alalahanin nyo kung gaano tayo kamahal ng Panginoon. Alalahanin nyo na matatag kayo at iyon ang itinuro nyo sakin. Gusto kong makita na ganoon pa rin kayo -- hindi sumusuko at lagi lang masaya. Minsan nakakapagod, parang walang katapusan, pero tiwala lang! Ang kayamanan ay nasa ating mga ngiti! Naks! Haha! 

I love you, Mama and Papa! Stay sweet as if every day is your wedding and love God more! HAPPY 22^nd WEDDING ANNIVERSAY!

To My Brother

Today I decided to recall those days when you were still in Mama’s tummy. I decided to feel again the excitement which got so intense every day for nine months. I want to bring back those moments when I was six-years old. For six long years I felt alone and hopeful that one day, I’ll hug a buddy. The most exciting part then aside from your birth was the brainstorming on what name we should give you. Well, I contributed some but I think our parents did not like them. Yet I was so happy when Robert James came to our lives dated March 10, 1998.

Time really went so fast and this year you will turn 16 already. I know this will be one of your memorable years for you will enter college. I tell you, it will really be; in a positive and negative way. Just maintain that thrill because that will lead you to learning. Don’t hesitate to call, brother! I’m not here to dictate you how to spend your college-life but to guide you how to make it awesome.

You know what I want to bring back? It’s that time when I was naïve and not thinking how I can live life and put cash in my pocket. Because it’s the time when I was your strict teacher and we were with our door that we used as blackboard; it’s during Christmas when we bravely created our two-membered choral with spoons and forks as our instruments (because we did not want to share aguinaldo with other kids); it’s when we were rolling on each other in bed before sleeping; it’s when we were flying kites with Papa; it’s when we quarrel who to wash the dishes; and it’s when we play together.

J, now I want to say sorry. Sorry because I was your brother only until Kuya was 13 and you seven. Sorry because after that, I became eager chasing happiness, success, fame, wealth. Sorry because I felt we were so different in many aspects when you began to search your horizon. Sorry because I became cold and short-tempered. Sorry because Kuya did not reach out. Instead, I played on my own.

I know my selfishness resulted to challenges you are experiencing now. Let me be your Kuya again. I am trying to be more open to you and I hope you will, too. Kuya is just here and let’s be the best of friends. I want to share these things which I should have shared to you before. These are the two words I want you to remember:

Be Yourself

You don’t have to be Kuya or anyone in this world. And you don’t have to please anyone even Mama, Papa, your teachers, or your friends. Just live with the heart that’s align with God and the rest will follow. I am praying that someday you’ll completely understand what I am saying.

When I was in high school, they used to tease me gay, lame, unfashionable, boring. But they never called me idiot or stupid because they know I was not. I am so grateful until now that God made me realize that the coolest and bravest men are with Him.

But I also tried to be the ‘cool’ guy this world is telling us. I tried hard to fit in the standard of the society. There I tried my first and last sift of smoke (I really hate that feeling), drunk until I lost conscience, and cut several classes. Now you know I tried those when all this time you assumed I did great with my life (but please don’t tell Mama and Papa. Hehe!). Those experiences brought me temporary happiness. After that I felt guilty, ashamed, and hopeless.

What I want to tell you is to have the right mind-set of learning and happiness. You will achieve this when you know who you are and live wholly as the person you want to be. I know you don’t want to be the RJ who smokes, who gets sober, without dreams. I know you want to achieve something big for you and our family. Then, focus on those dreams! Be with the right people! Make the right steps! Choose the things that offer real learning and everlasting happiness.

I believe I will see a great man someday. And I’ll remain proud that I am his Kuya. Robert James Pillejera Bariso knows God; always hits the baseball for a home run; will be one of the most successful electrical engineers or businessmen; and will be the best husband and father.

J, you don’t need to be perfect in our eyes. You just need to be the son of God. Accept Him and acknowledge that He wants the best for you. WE LOVE YOU! – Kuya J

5 Ways to Happiness

Before, I thought happiness is a choice but eventually I realized it’s a skill. You can’t wake-up in the morning merely saying, ‘I’ll be happy today’. I’m not saying it’s bad, in fact, for me it’s the first step. Being happy is a skill you need to learn. Like any process in life, there is no shortcut. A man wasn't born happy (actually baby cries first during birth, right?J); he needed to learn how to smile, to laugh, and in time make others smile, too.

I remember a friend who asked me how I manage to keep calm and be happy despite the unnecessary circumstance. Straightway I said, ‘I don’t know’, and then I was puzzled. How do I really treat the things that hinder me to be happy? Thanks to that friend because that question brought me to these words now. And this will also serve as a written reminder to me whenever I need to re-learn happiness. Also, I want to help that friend by sharing these answers to his question.

On my part, here’s the five ways I consider to maintain my handsome-ness (I mean my happiness J). But you know what, being joyful really helps you to be the you-don’t-look-your-age guy or gal. At least, these ways work for my case and I discovered these entirely on my own experience. Probably, these will thoroughly help you or these will (in some point) help you ponder on your own ways to happiness. By the way, since these also serve as a reminder to me, allow me to speak in second person without making an impression that I’m the Mr. I-Know-Everything.

PLAY WITH NUMBERS. Know your priorities; who or what to be the first and the last. In my case, my priorities are these: (i) God; (ii) Family; (iii) Work/Career and; (iv) Friends. I see these categories never to be changed or added my entire life though I still don’t have a girlfriend because I know eventually she’ll fall on family.J Your priority list needs to be firm that way. Because if not, you’ll only get frustrated why everything doesn’t work good. Just like in organizing, planning should always come first. Who’s the planner in the first place? Isn’t it God? I hope your first priority is Him alone also.

When you know who or what to choose, you’ll always make the right decision. This always happen to me and I know to you, too. Aside from the fact that this way always whispers you the right choice, it is also a good time-saver. You’ll realize when you know your priorities that you are not wasting a moment. Let’s go back in planning -- you can’t implement something when it is not planned; you’ll only waste time and resources. Lastly, playing with numbers keeps good relationships. They said the secret to a happy relationship is time. And you can’t give time to someone if you don’t know when to give it to them. You can’t give ENOUGH time to something or someone when you are juggling things or (I hope not) people.

USE YOUR OWN SHOES. Be unique! You don’t need to fit in someone else’s shoes. We are born with different talents, skills, likes, and passion. What makes you happy may be or may not be the things that make others happy; chances are those things make them sad. When you know what shoes fit you, you’ll not be tempted to try other people’s footwear -- you’ll not get insecure.  You’ll see yourself fighting and fulfilled. Find your niche and sing your song!

The horizon is wide and dreams are given to each and every one. It’s more rewarding to tick in your own boxes of goals in life. No one can erase and change the purpose God has painted in your life EXCEPT Him alone. People that surround you may say otherwise or your environment is building an unending blocks but never give-up. And keep moving! Because may be yes you are wearing your own shoes, but you are not using it. If you know you’re good at something, work out to be better. Never get tired to learn from your mistakes. Aim for the best. Embrace success!

LAUGH ALONE. If you’re alone in an island and all the resources you need to survive for one year are there, will you LIVE? Life isn’t a survival quest; rather, it’s a living game. You need your family and friends, but accept the fact that there will come a day you’ll live alone (hugging just your pillow, listening only to your MP3, and talking to yourself). When that day comes, you need to laugh alone; you need to learn to find happiness on your own.

I am not saying you fake your smiles or you make fool of yourself. Rather, learn to be independent! Smile a real smile or laugh a loud laugh though nobody’s around. I think this will work when you know who you are and you are living the life you want to live. When you are on that island, will you take the risk to discover something? That might be a new game out of shells; new species of birds; new ways to build fire; or new constellation of stars. How you could do that, I don’t know, too. But isn’t that fun and exciting? And last question, when you are in that island alone, will you still praise God? How will you talk to Him? Thank Him or ask several questions?

GET RICH. I know wealth will lead you to happiness -- to limited or to unending one. I want the latter but I am not talking of money here. Precious things on earth are more than just that. I am talking about getting rich in relationship. Live more for more friends, relatives, teachers, and buddies!

Last month I wrote about the Influential People in my life. These people are just some of my richness. As I have said, choose an unending wealth. Befriend the right people! These people accept who you are and do not coerce you to change to fit in the clique. And eventually, these are the people who will tell you bluntly the things you need to change.  They will help you to become better.

SWALLOW GIANTS. Make the impossible! Who can tell what are the impossible in this world anyway? If God says you to do this, never think-twice. Even though that is to walk from east to west.

For me the first step to trusting God is to dream big. When you have dreams in life, you have goals and you know where you want to go. It’s never easy to get to your destination. However, instead of taking it as a hard task, take it as a challenging course. When you have dreams, you are living. And when you are already there, give all the glory back to God.

There you have it! LIVE LIFE! THRIVE! 

Unfinished Business

Photo by: Google

Last night, I browsed through the old files in my computer then suddenly bumped with my old articles. Below is my unfinished work I tried to come alive when I was in college. I remember I want to finish this as a self-requirement to right a short story in Tagalog. But I guess I did not have enough inspiration that time so instead of 'xxx', this article ended with '...'. Now I don't know how to continue. Somehow I like how I crafted this; not good for a Tagalog story (I guess). I hope you'll enjoy reading, too. And hopefully my memory will bring back the lost words. J

PASADA

Hindi pa sanay ang aking pandinig sa ingay ng mga pabrikang halos saklaw ang buong paligid ng aming tinitirahan. Bago pa sa aking pang-amoy ang hindi kaaya-ayang hangin na aming nalalanghap. Iwas na iwas pa ang aking pandama sa maalikabok na hanging dumadampi sa aming mga balat. Hirap pa ring imulat ng aking mga mata sa masaklap na katotohanan ang aking sariling hindi pa rin tanggap ang aming madilim na kapalaran.

Nabanggit ko ang mga katagang ito na tangan-tangan hindi lamang ang aking sarili. Kasama ko ang aking dalawang anak na babae at asawa na kagaya ko ay sanay pa rin sa mga tandang na nanggigising, hangin na animo’y nangyayapos at nagpapagaling, at mga halama’t bundok na nagpapamulat ng totoong pag-asa.

Halos ang buong diwa namin ay uhaw na muling gumalaw sa tahanang inakala naming palaluan. Nais na naming makawala sa aming kinasasadlakan. Kahit papaano ay gusto kong maiba naman sa lahat ng aming mga gunita ang pumupuno sa aming tiyan. Hindi ko masisikmura na maging ang pagkaing papasok sa aming kalamnan ay kasing dumi at baho ng kapaligirang aming ginagalawan. Sa aking pamilya ako humuhugot ng pag-asa.

Nais salain ng aking dibdib ang amoy na aking nalalanghap at singhutin ang bango ng masarap na sinangag na nakahain sa aming hapag. Ang tustadong bawang ang nagpagana sa aming panlasa upang kahit ang kahuli-hulihang butil ng aming agahan ay magpapuno sa aming tiyan. Walang ano mang ulam, dasal ko na ang pagkaing ito ay magbibigay ng lakas sa aming buong araw.   

Nagsimula man na walang bago, ramdam ko na mayroong kakaiba sa araw na ito. Malulutong na halik at matatamis na ngiti ang pabaon ng aking mag-iina bago ko tuluyang baybayin ang landas na kailangan kong tahakin. Bakas sa kanilang mga mukha ang pag-aalala bago ko pa man buksan ang aming pintuan. Waring kakaibang mundo ang nag-aabang sa akin sa likod ng manipis na kahoy na nagsisilbing pananggalang ng aming tahanan. Mahigpit na yapos naman ang aking isinukli upang kahit papaano’y mawala ang kanilang pag-aalala.

Mabilis kong isinara ang pintuan matapos akong makahakbang sa labas ng aming bahay. Isan-daan at dalawampung hakbang pa papalabas – bilang ko na ang yabag na aking bubunuin upang makaalpas sa waring kulungang aking kinabibilangguan. Ingat na ingat ang aking mga paa sa paglakad. Iba’t iba man ang ginagawa nila, batid ko na sila ay tila mga ahas na manunuklaw sa oras na ako’y may gawing mali o kahit sila’y makaramdam ng kaba mula sa akin. Dahil dito ay naging gawain ko nang bahagyang iyuko ang aking ulo at dumiretso sa paglalakad.

Kaliwa’t kanan, araw-araw kong natutunghayan ang kakaibang mundo ng mga taong ito. Mga batang matatas kung magmura at laro ni kamatayan ang alam paglibangan; mga mamang hindi ko mawari kung saan galing ang pangtustos sa kanilang mga bisyo; mga aleng may matatag na batok sa maghapong pagyuko kaharap ang mga baraha; at mga binata’t dalagang marahil ay mas ninais mag-aral sa kalsada. Siguro ay tanggap ko na ang mga sitwasyong ito, subalit ang hindi ko matanggap ay ang katotohanang ang aming pamilya ay kabilang na sa kanila…batid ko mang kami ay naiiba.

Hindi ko hinayaang huminto ang aking mga paa hanggang sa ika-isang daan at dalawampu’t isang hakbang nito papalabas sa iskinitang iyon. Bansag nga ng karamihan na iyon daw ang ‘daanan ni kamatayan’. Hindi naman sila masisisi sapagkat iyon ang kanilang nakikita at batid man ito ng mga taga roon ay tanggap na nila ito. Pabor nga sigurong maituturing sapagkat walang sinumang dayo ang nangangahas gumawa ng gulo sa kanilang teritoryo. Maging ang mga opisyal ng gobyernong nais silang paalisin ay bahag na ang mga buntot ng minsan silang kuyugin ng mga residente.  

Medyo malayu-layo pa rin ang paradahan ng sasakyan sa labasan ng daanan ni kamatayan. Ngunit gustuhin ko mang sumakay na lamang, mas pipiliin kong maglakad sapagkat alam kong sapat lamang ang laman ng aking bulsa sa aking pakay. Tagaktak man ang aking pawis bago pa man makarating sa aking pupuntahan, napapawi naman ang...